Monday, March 5, 2012

Le Fin

The plans were in place. The preperation was impecable. The juggernaut that was Fergie Friday™ was finally coming to a close. It was time to end this.

19th January 2012
Smokey: Activating Cell 3 of 4. Code word: Sand.

20th January 2012
Emily: A long time ago in the ancient world of Egypt, lived a woman as hot as the climate she lived in. Nowadays, this superstar called Cleopatra has been reduced to little more than inspiration for bad dress-up party and halloween costumes. Fergie Friday™ has come to the rescue. Now is the time to learn about the educational, and well as entertainment value our Fergilicous Fergie has to offer.Pay attention, there will be a pop quiz.

Jamie: that is amazing!!!! :D

26th January 2012
Smokey: Activating Final Cell. Codeword: Knight. It's in your hands now Cell 4. Carry us to victory.
Jamie: please let this be Batman...

27th January 2012

Pandion Knight:
Sweet sweet Thadius! As cell 4 of 4 I have been activated to initiate Fergie Friday™. As the last of these awe inspiring occasions I am truly grateful to partake! So I gift to thee a step back in time to our younger... Noobier moments. I hope you enjoy and delight in some reminiscent memories!May we frag forever and together neighbor!

Pandion Knight signing off

3rd February 2012

Smokey: Jamie, my sincere apologies for the poor sound syncing. We tried our best but we just couldn't get it to work properly. I hope that you are still able to enjoy this, the final episode of Fergie Friday™, despite the technical failures.

Kevin: It was a challenge to masturbate to this.

10th February 2012

Katie: Chris might have posted his final Fergie Friday™ video but he has organised one final surprise for you. Happy almost-anniversary! ♥

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Destination draws ever nearer

And so it continued. Pressing onwards relentlessly, and spanning across the years, Fergie Friday™ entered into an iconic stage. People waited anxiously, Friday now moving beyond a symbol for the oncoming weekend and taking on an ideal, an existential idolism. The fans were capitavated, hopelessly enslaved by its captivation. And they loved Fergie Friday™ for it.

16th December 2011

Fergie Vs. Metallica - London Bridge But True

23rd December 2011

30th December 2011

Yo Jamie! You sitting down bro!? You better be because Fergie Friday™ is really about to pay off for you! The staff here at Fergie Friday™, in Conjunction with Stacy Ann, have managed to get hold of one free ticket* for you to the hottest New Years Eve party out!!! Check out the link to find out more about 1OAK and the once in a lifetime experience you are about to bear personal witness to. Enjoy it mate.

*Airfares and accommodation not included.

And don't worry JCB. We are going to mark the last Friday of 2011 with a bit of a family video for you. This weeks Fergie Friday™ goes out to both you and Boorman and the more Youngerer.

Katy: Wow...
Stephanie: no way. how do you even find these things?! a commendable effort!
Smokey: ‎Stephanie. You'd be truly surprised at some of the crap I have to wade through to find a nugget of gold like this. All I can say is, stay tuned...

Fergie Friday™ blasted out of 2011 and into the new year. Too mark the special occasion four different cells were set up, each with their own activation code. January was going to be 'guest host month'. It was time to sit back and enjoy the ride.

5th January 2012
Smokey: Activating Cell 1 of 4. Code word: Blue.

6th January 2012

Seb: Kia Ora Jamie, just thought I would welcome in the New Year with a guest hosting of Fergie Friday™ but I'm not alone, joining me is "dat blue hedgehog"...
{Cell 1 of 4 activated}

Fergie vs Sonic The Hedgehog (AfriqueDeluxe Remix) from afriquedeluxe on Vimeo.

12th January 2012
Smokey: Activating Cell 2 of 4. Code word: Black.

13th January 2012
มันอาจจะมีในปี 2555 ที่นี่ในประเทศไทย แต่ไม่ได้หมายความว่ามันไม่ได้เฟอร์กี้ศุกร์™! เราหวังว่าคุณจะสนุกกับนี้ของขวัญพิเศษจากอนาคต blackest วันศุกร์ของทุก
Translates to: It might be here in Thailand the year 2555. But does not mean that it is not Fergie Friday ™! We hope you enjoy this special gift from the blackest Friday of all.

Jamie: oh dear god.....

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Middle Ages

Fergie Friday continued to grow. It had spiralled out of my own control. I was now just a conduit for something that had captured the minds of people all around the world. I was in regular contact with Stacy Ann as we planned each weeks new assault on the subscribers. We moved off the beaten track and had some fun in The Middle Ages. We saw a few parodies and got to experince Smokey puppeteering his first guest poster. Ah yes, these were the golden weeks, inspiration was easy and the groupies numorous. This is that story...

21st October 2011

Lets mix things up a bit today my little sunflower. Christmas is not too far away. Maybe you can treat yourself with this.

28th October 2011

Smokey: Hey J.A.M.I.E. How's it going? Was the rest of your tea in bed = awsum(sic)? You know that girl you like? Stacy Ann? Well not only does she have a nice voice, fabuliscious hair and powerful jiving thighs. But I hear she is can be quite funny too. For example did you know she was the recipient of the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award in 2008. You don't get one of those for being a stick in the mud!!! And as well as being funny she is also super smart. This video was taken — at The Spelling Bee biartch.

4th November 2011

Smokey: It's been a long time. 12 editions so far to be exact. Many moons ago, on August the 12th who would've thought we would have come so far together. Many are wondering how long we can go for. Today, we revisit that first Fergie Friday. The song was Glamourous. And so were you. Enjoy it again Jamie.


Smokey: Ummmm, whoops. I don't know what happened there. Technical difficulties perhaps. Ahhh, lets just run with it. Today FF goes a bit bluegrass.
Helen: You know I never fully appreciated your 'fergie-friday'ness until today. That made my Friday...

10th November 2011


Jamie: I MUST OWN THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Smokey: It's the bass that wowed the Kessel Run with less than twelve parsecs. It's outplayed Imperial facemelters. Not the local bulk melters mind you, I'm talking about the big Corellian players now. She'll make point five past lightspeed. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I've made a lot of special modifications myself.

11th November 2011

Smokey: J.C.B.!!!! I just saw that Star Wars post by Smokey Thebandito!! What an awesome guitar!! It got me thinking about Fergie. You know, because it's FERGIE FRIDAY and all. I did some research on it and it has an interesting history. It was actually made in 1945 as a founding gift to the newly formed United Nations. It was crafted in the Ural Mountains by a throng of Egyptian slaves and perfected by the legendary secret society of Epic Guitar Makers. Strangely enough it was presented to Abraham Lincoln by Jazz Guitarist Johnny Smith on 11/11/1945 (today in history FTW!!) for safekeeping before being transferred to the UN's underwater pacific lair. Before that could happen though Abe passed away, his belongings being auctioned off. This guitar found its way to a young George Lucas who drew inspiration for the Star Wars movies. Fast forward a few decades and David Guetta was allowed to use the Millenium Bass for the following Fergie music video. Welcome to Fergie Friday.

Jamie: thats kinda awesome!!!
Ollie: It was crafted in a urinal using a thong.
Smokey: That makes you sound like some sort of drunk, seedy MacGyver. Nice.

17th November 2011


Chris: In all honesty I don't think he is. Jusy sayin'.
Smokey: He can't let Sam Whitwicky hog all the limelight. JCB will do his part tomorrow.

18th November 2011

Smokey: Fergie Friday. ROLLOUT!

24th November 2011

(Text: Here's a little pre FF treat for you JCB. -Fergie)



25th November 2011

Smokey: Oh. Plain and boring. What a rubbish Fergie Friday.


Katy: That is quite rubbish. I'm disappointed.
Jamie: all complaints to
Vita: don't go putting ideas like that in Smokey's head. He'll be registering that domain name as we speak
Smokey: Sorry. After four months of this I might get an off day lol.

2nd December 2011
(Text: Dear Jamie, I never got a chance to thank you for helping my friends and I activate the Centra machinary and save Balamb Garden from the diabolical missile attack. As if that wasn't enough you then helped us end the reign of Ultimicia. You have our thanks Jamie, and in gratitude we made you this music ideo. Enjoy it. Squall Leonhart)



Jamie: OMFG!!!!!!!!

3rd December2011

(Text: Hey bro, I just wanted to add my thanks to Squall's ya know. Man I thought Seifer was gonna get us there in the end but you helped me, ya know, find my passion and we whooped his ass. Anyways dude, back to my hotdaogs! Someone has to eat them all!!! Zell Dincht)

9th December2011

Ollie: Hello. It is an absolute honor to be asked to be a guest poster today. We get some amazing animals here in Australia. Koalas, Kangaroos, Australians, Snakes, Cockroaches. But there is none as Glamorous as the Platypus. A beaver with a duck beak, it flops through the water like none other. Jamie Boorman, it is an absolute pleasure to bring you this weeks Fergie Friday. Enjoy!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Biology 507: The Evolution of Fergie Friday and it's impact on a small online community.

So, for the last three months I have been busy focusing my efforts on annoying posting Fergie music videos to the page of my good friend Jamie C. B. I have termed these once weekly postings 'Fergie Friday' due to them posted every Friday. There is no other reason. It really is because they get posted every Friday. I have decided to compile them into this blog so people can peruse them and their evolution. The avenue I used to bring Jamie C.B. these videos was Facebook so I shall add any comments as well. Any further absences from this blog for the next few months might be explained by the impending book deal or my visit to Hollywood to help turn this story of Fergie Friday into a big budget quadrology. Anyways, to horse.

12th August 2011
Smokey: JCB, Welcome to Fergie Friday.

Vita: I definicious hope this becomes a regular event

19th August 2011
Smokey: DUDE! Guess what!!!
Smokey: IT'S FERGIE FRIDAY AGAIN!!! I know you've been hanging out for this all week, your excitment at work has been titillatingly palpable. So with out further adieu... I give to you...

Jamie: you should hear paradise city sung by Fergie and Cypress Hill.... awsum doesn't quite cover it .
Smokey: Don't get ahead of yourself Jamie. I've got my list of Fergie songs for you. All in good time ok.

2nd Septempber 2011
Smokey: James C.B. I do apologise. In all the excitement surrounding our re-arrangment of the library last week, Fergie Friday quietly slipped us by. So to make up for my lack of rememberance, and in gratitude to your Herculean effort. I give you two. Sit back. And enjoy the ride.

Smokey: I hope you're buckled in by now. Cause the ride is about to get Fergaliciously more up tempo!

9th September 2011
Smokey: Oh. Hey Jamie. Can you guess why I am here? On your facebook page. Oh, what's that? You need a hint? Oh ok. Well, it has something to do with............

FERGIE FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

16th September 2011

Smokey: Jamie. It is late in the day. I know you have been on the edge, literally sitting on tenterhooks. But never fear little friend. For your tiny little dreams are about to be made into gigantic botanic gardens of happiness. For today. Of all days. It is Fergie Friday. And forever, on Septemebr 16th, you will be able to tell your grandchildren, "Not only was I there. But I was the recipient when Smokey sent to me, on Fergie Friday, the in comparable, Paradise City."
Kim: You two are getting weirder by the day.
Jamie: or more awesome!!!
Richard: No, weirder.
Smokey: or more awesome!!!
Ollie: nah, weirder.
Jamie: or more awesome!!!
Kim: Sweeties, there is no debate here. WEIRD!
Smokey: Read this Kim

23rd September 2011
Smokey: Oh, I didn't see you there. While I have your attention though... It is Firday. And after the euphoric highs I could hear eminating from South Karori Rd last Friday I know it is going to be hard to keep the momentum going. But here goes.

30th September 2011
Smokey: Boy are you in line for an annoyingly frustrating dose of Fergie Friday tomorrow! for this edition only we will be combing Fergie Friday with Blues Clues. Stay tuned young man.
Jamie: I'm not sure i like where this is going at all.....
Smokey: Muahahahahaha mwah.

Smokey: Uh oh, do you see that paw print there Jamie? It's right next to this picture! What is Blue trying to tell us?

Smokey: Look! Over there! By that big picture of New York! It's another paw print Jamie. We're onto Blue's trail...

Smokey: Hmmm, I wonder... Look at this Jamie. It's another paw print. Right next to this online image. It looks... It looks like it is a logo for a movie distribution company. I think we have all of our clues. I'll sleep on this. Come back tomorrow and we'll see what the answer is.

Smokey: Have you figured it out yet my happy little 10 year old? Because I have... If you put all the clues together and keep Fergie in mind there is only one possible answer. And it is the following video. Welcome Jamie. To your most annoying Fergie Friday yet.

7th October 2011

Photo added with Jamie being tagged in it @ the London Bridge Station.

Jamie: That's upside down dude.
Jamie: That's better.
Smokey: Ummm, no it's not... but wowza!!! Cheers Jamie, I couldn't have asked for a better segway!!!!!!! Becasue do you know what time of the week it is? That's right dude!!!!!

It's FERGIE FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooooooooooohhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14th October 2011

Smokey: There was once a little boy. I say little boy. He was more a normal size boy. Hmm, maybe more like a little sized man. He was born in Cockfield and grew up in the small quaint village of Droidwitch. He was a peculiar young man with an affinity for Ken Ring and liked to spend his afternoons predicating the next ten years worth of weather patterns. One day when he was 10 he decided to move to the an...tipodes. Who knows why, maybe he was following his love of pawmistry (the art of reading cat's paws to tell the future). While there he grew from a little man into a normal sized man and then grew a tad more into a slightly taller than normal man. It was during his formative years he began to idolise a great musical maestro and all round good guy Dom Butters. He grew his hair out to be more like Dom and discovered he looked exactly like Stacy Ann Ferguson in her music video 'Glamorous'. She became his new-found spiritual leader and, eventually, just his normal spiritual leader. His devotion saw him subscribe to the Fergie Friday newsletter that he now organises his life around. Today, while not as fresh and cool as it use to be, that newsletter continues...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

You cannot hear yourself speak when your own voice is talking over you

A-ha! I am back again! My regualar readers and followers (sup Polly) will have noticed that I have have been conspiciously absent from the blogosphere. It is, i must say, an occurance not of my own doing. I cannot talk about my enforced absence least to say it was a secret undercover operation in and around the small town of Juan del Grijalva in southern Mexico. I have spent the last few months tracking a daring band of ruthless chavs in aid of recovering hundreds and hundreds of NZ$ worth of gold bullion that was taken in a spectacular raid on the Reserve Bank in my hometown of Wellington, New Zealand. A second summer romance kept me there a little longer than expected. Pacienca was a lovely little chiquita, ugly as sin but she owned and ran her own Tequila farm which made things mostly bearable. Eventually, inevitably, I sobered up and resolutly made my way home.

I say home but in my absence things had changed, bent beyond immediate, instaneous recognition. My hillside fortress, now abandoned, lay empty upon my arrival. The is no replacing the last of my coinquilino's, the inimitable Ricardo von Gamenstien (left to pursue online matters after believing preceding rumours of my untimely demise) so I simply have not tried. The fort is quiet now, I sometimes wander its halls, watching the ghosts of parties past, listening to the pukeko chirp their lonely, haunting song. Not often though. I am usually too busy watching sports in my underwear or listening to Katy Perry a little bit too loudly. I will hole down for the winter, trying to sate my thirst for knowledge before rebuilding a new gang for spring. Smokey Thebandito may have been gone for months, his gang dispersed to all (2) corners of Wellington. But his reputation still rides in his saddle with him. And that alone will see his former glory return to him.

You may hear from soon, my Thebanditoites, or you may hear from me not soon. Whatever it may be, until then, please watch Community.


Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Return of Juan Smokey Thebandito: The Summer of too much fun: Part 1

Well well well blog followers, I know you have been eagerly awaiting word from me, to hear about my adventures and revel in my sardonically witty turn of phrase. And wait is what you have had to do. I have been busy, in a far away land, where things and actions are tangible, goods are material, and relationships conducted in a more physical arena. I say busy but I really mean lazy as fuck, hence it being several months since my last missive to my followers. Much has happened.

I will quickly get formalities out of the way. Twiiter was an interesing diversion, allowing me to stalk several rugby and league heroes. Subsequently I am now Facebook friends with one of them too. It was nice to feel closer to the All Blacks, to learn what they like to do in their spare time, where they like to eat, if they are a folder or a scruncher. But it gave me too much insight, it did not feel comfortable. After several months I stopped using twitter all together. And I now cannot remember my login credentials. You were fun while it lasted Ms Twitter.

Summer is well and truely here in Wellington. You can tell because I cooked my first bactch of chickens over an open fire this weekend. Construction is well under way on a new Deck of Operations at my Fortress. Earthworks have begin and framing is up. Once this is completed my conquest of Summer Fun will almost be complete. Already Summer Romance has been and gone. Twice. 2 and half if you wont to get technical. And concert going is being planned. First up is Aloe Blacc. The venue is Backstage in Auckland and this little trip is going to be the highlight of my summer. After that is MGMT. Electric Feel is me, a part of me, I complete it. So bring on March 19. Then comes Katy Perry. That one is going to be interesting to say the least... I'm sure you'll hear more about it.

Next week Smokey is taking a break from normal duties. I Have several recipes I want to try, top of the list being a Banoffe Cheesecake and a Berry Cheesecake Bombe combination. Plus everyday will be bbq day, and getting slightly drunk and baked in the sun day.

Till then my Thebandioites


Thursday, July 8, 2010

From the gospel of Smokey 12:34

Social networking is massive these days. Absolutely massive. Everyone seems to have one of those tweeter pages or something similar. Sites like facebook or myspace can carry huge amounts of personal information about you. Sensitive information. Compromising information. There have been several well documented incidents of people being caught out in varying situations by their places of work and sites like failbook are just plain hilarious to see some of the stupidity surrounding some of the incredibly dumb updates and mistakes that the idiots of this world can make. For some reason these crazies haven't heard of privacy settings. You wouldn't tell a creepy homeless dude your address, phone number, favourite movies and then brag about what you had for dinner that night so why should you have the same info open for most of the world to see.

I'll just interrupt this briefly but I am listening to 'Cat's in the Cradle' by Harry Chapin. Holy shit that’s an awesome song. So sad as well. It is about a father that inadvertently neglects his son and slowly the tables turn and as the son grows up he ends up neglecting his father. The song was written for and is partially about his son Joshua. Chapin died in a car accident at 41 and this enduring, seminal classic must be very emotional for Josh these days. Wicked song though. Check it out.

Speaking of songs what is it about Michael Buble. He is a regular on my playlists and seems to have a song for every mood I'm in. I know most of them are covers but they are absolutely amazing. From the gravely seduction of 'Fever' to the creaking, heart wrenching tones of 'Home' and onto the uplifting, playfully cheeky rendition of 'Feeling Good' this modern day Sinatra has the tools in his vocal range and styles in his look to melt his way to any man's heart. It does beg the question though of who would win in a fist fight. Michael Buble vs. Jamie Cullum. Buble has the smooth gliding edge to his vocals. He floats like a butterfly if you will. Cullum can counter this with a grittier, edgier roughness about his voice that, while still retaining a good rhythm, exemplifies a harder toughness to his songs. He is a lot smaller though. Either way it would be a good match up and the TAB would have a hard picking the odds for this one. I am inclined to go with Jamie Cullum though. His most recent album has certainly packed a heavier punch than Buble's 'It's Time' and I feel his reach is more accessible to a wider target audience.

But privacy on social networking is still very important.